A simple remedy for relationship anxiety
Published Oct 23, 2023 | Updated Jan 12, 2026
Written by Dr. Claudia Aguirre
The concept of dating, relationships, marriage—even divorce—can evoke feelings of anxiety in many. This is a natural component of relationships with others; after all, we are sharing ourselves with somebody else, and that can make us feel vulnerable at first.
Every important relationship you have shapes your brain, which in turn shapes your very relationships. Now, imagine that the anxiety of one particular relationship transcends into your overall psyche, and consequently gets transferred to your other relationships. This knock-on effect can have a pretty significant impact on your happiness, making you feel a bit out of control for the most part. What’s more, the anxiety you experience in childhood (even in the womb!) can stay with you for a lifetime if you don’t take an active course in diminishing it.
Is relationship anxiety normal?
Feeling relationship anxiety is more common than most people realize. Whether in a new romantic relationship or a long-term partnership, it’s natural to experience worry, fear, or even doubt about the bond you share. These feelings can surface when navigating unfamiliar situations, adjusting to your partner’s behavior, or reflecting on your own past experiences.
Experiencing anxious thoughts doesn’t automatically mean there’s something wrong with you or your relationship. In fact, many couples face periods of insecurity or uncertainty, especially when emotions run deep. Normalizing this experience can ease the distress that comes with thinking you’re alone in your struggles.
Understanding that relationship anxiety is a widespread human experience can help you shift from self-criticism to self-compassion, which is the first step toward creating a more balanced and healthy relationship.
Bringing Mindfulness to Relationships
6 minutes
To cling or not to cling
One of the more discernible ways that predict whether you fear rejection or fear intimacy is in your "attachment style," a trait rooted in our childhood that extends into your adult relationships. In psychology, there are two ends of the spectrum for attachment in relationships: avoidance and anxiety. Those on the avoidance end of the spectrum tend to be very self-reliant and uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy. At the other end of the spectrum, those with high anxiety fear rejection and are more dependent on others.
For instance, someone with high attachment anxiety may think their partner will leave them on a regular basis, constantly seeking reassurance, and may even interpret their partner’s actions in a negative way. If they have a more avoidant partner (one who fears intimacy), this clinginess may cause their partner to pull further away, making the anxious person feel even more insecure. See how this could turn into a vicious cycle of anxiety?
What are the signs of relationship anxiety?
Recognizing the signs of relationship anxiety can help you take proactive action before it creates lasting strain. Some common indicators include:
Frequent worries about your partner’s feelings or intentions
Overanalyzing every form of communication or interaction
Interpreting neutral behavior as a sign of rejection
Seeking constant reassurance to soothe insecurity
Struggling with negative thoughts or persistent doubt
Experiencing intrusive thoughts about abandonment or loss
Feeling physical symptoms such as muscle tension, fatigue, or stomach upset during relational stress
These patterns can erode relationship satisfaction and create unnecessary issues within otherwise loving couples. Noticing these symptoms early—and meeting them with compassion—opens the door to healthier coping strategies. With the right support, including self-reflection or professional therapy, you can break the cycle of anxious thoughts and build deeper trust and emotional connection with your partner.
What does relationship anxiety look like in the body?
In the body, increased attachment anxiety is reflected in elevated levels of cortisol, the primary stress hormone, and lower T-cells, white blood cells essential for our immunity. While every effective immune response involves activating T-cells, they are especially important in cell-mediated immunity, which is the defense against tumor cells and pathogenic organisms inside body cells.
A study showed that recently divorced women had fewer numbers of a variety of T-cells compared to married women. Even in a relatively stable relationship like a marriage, those with higher attachment anxiety also show decreased levels of immune-boosting cells and increased cortisol. So, on top of increasing our stress levels, relationship anxiety can also affect your own body’s immunity against disease and infection. On the flipside, think of the positive effects that reducing relationship anxiety could have on your immunity and hormonal balance!
Finding balance within yourself
If reading this is making you frantically analyze your childhood and your current dating choices, don’t fret. While your past shapes much of your behavior, the fantastic plastic brain shows that nothing about behavior is set in stone. True, taking some time for self-analysis can be insightful and fruitful, but the fact is we are constantly changing and may feel more attached or less attached depending on your current partner.
The practice of meditation can help you learn about our own thoughts and behaviors, and gently, over time, lead you to a place you want to be within yourself.. What’s more, studies show that meditation is also linked to higher levels of compassion and greater immunity against cellular invaders. We are only beginning to understand the science behind relationship anxiety and the links between interpersonal relationships, stress, and health. Remember, though, that the human experience is shared experience, and that we affect each other in ways previously thought unimaginable. Meditation practice can help us find balance within ourselves so that we are better equipped to find harmony with others.
How to overcome relationship anxiety
While relationship anxiety can feel overwhelming, there are practical steps that can ease the cycle of worry, doubt, and emotional distress:
Practice mindful self-awareness. What does awareness mean exactly? It means noticing your anxious thoughts, negative thought patterns, or intrusive thoughts without judgment. Awareness is the first step to change.
Clarify boundaries. Defining what feels safe in your romantic relationship helps reduce insecurity and strengthens mutual trust.
Focus on open communication. Share your feelings honestly with your partner. Healthy communication reduces misunderstandings and builds a stronger emotional connection.
Nurture self-worth. In order to feel secure in your relationship, you must first improve your self-worth. Remind yourself that you deserve love, respect, and a healthy relationship, regardless of past experiences.
Explore calming practices. Meditation, journaling, and cognitive behavioral therapy can all help reframe negative thoughts and calm the mind.
Taking consistent action in these areas can shift your behavior, strengthen your bond with your partner, and improve overall relationship satisfaction.
Therapy is especially valuable in breaking cycles of constant doubt and reassurance-seeking. A mental health professional can provide tailored guidance and support, helping you replace anxious patterns with healthier strategies for long-term emotional connection.
Sources:
1. Sun, L., Fu, Y., & Ni, X. (2023). T cells in health and disease. Nature Reviews Cell & Molecular Immunology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41392-023-01471-y. Accessed on September 30, 2025.
2. Heinrichs, M., Baumgartner, T., Kirschbaum, C., & Ehlert, U. (2003). Social support and oxytocin interact to suppress cortisol and subjective responses to psychosocial stress. Biological Psychiatry, 54(12), 1389-1398. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0006-3223(03)00465-7. Accessed on September 30, 2025.
3. Black, D. S., & Slavich, G. M. (2016). Mindfulness meditation and the immune system: A systematic review of randomized controlled trials. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, 1373(1), 13-24. https://doi.org/10.1111/nyas.12998. Accessed on September 30, 2025.
