What is mindful parenting?
Multitasking is considered a skill that many people pride themselves on, especially when it comes to parenting — one of the hardest, most challenging roles in life. The problem is that when we multitask, rather than learning to do lots of things at once really well, we simply learn to do lots of things at once not nearly as well as we could. Bouncing back and forth between tasks when caring for children can be distracting and stressful, which is why doing a lot of things at the same time is not really in the spirit of mindfulness. We can still get things done and be efficient; we’d just approach things differently… and this is where mindful parenting comes in.
How is mindful parenting different from mindfulness?
Many parents try to engage in mindful parenting — being fully present with their children, free from distractions or judgment, and with a soft and open mind. Easier said than done, we know, but the result in providing such undivided attention is that we are more attentive, aware, kind, and understanding in our interactions with youngsters. When it comes to getting tasks done, we learn to take care of one thing in this moment, and another thing in the next. Moment by moment. Task by task.
Mindful parenting behavior is about setting an ongoing intention to be present at the given moment. This presence can take many forms: for example, it may look like paying attention to your child, noticing your own feelings when you’re in conflict with him or her, pausing before responding, and listening to your child’s viewpoints, even if they differ from your own.
In applying these principles of mindfulness to parenthood, we create an opportunity to be more responsive and more productive, as well as being less in auto-pilot mode and less overwhelmed. Read on to learn more about how mindful parenting can positively benefit your family’s health, happiness, and well-being, as well as some simple ways to be a calmer, more mindful parent.
A mindful parenting approach involves pausing so that you can be attuned to your child’s deeper needs (are they crying because they are hungry, sleepy, scared, or something else?), and respond to him or her in an appropriate and loving way.
Mindful parenting really works
Being a mindful parent might seem like a high bar, given the everyday family stress you likely encounter on a daily basis. Obviously, the idea of going through a full day thinking that we are going to be permanently mindful is beautiful, yet fanciful. The key to mindful parenting is breaking down our day into manageable chunks, moving forward task by task. In doing so, we gradually train the mind to be more present. In being more present, we experience more calm, clarity, and a renewed sense of perspective, which in turn, makes room for increased compassion and empathy.
The positive impact it could have on your kids is worth the effort. In fact, research shows that it can be a useful tool that assists parents in helping their kids solve conflicts in a calm, kind, and respectful manner. For example, one study from the University of Vermont found that parents who reported more mindful parenting engaged in more positive and less negative parenting behavior, which was then linked to more positive behavior in their kids, including less anxiety, depression, and acting out.
Another study from George Mason University showed that parents who engaged in mindful parenting behavior demonstrated less negative emotion and more shared positive emotion in conversations with their children; in turn, sharing more positive emotion was associated with decreased drug use for the children.
What to do in the most hectic moments
Step 1: Take a deep breath.
Step 2: Focus the mind on drawing that breath in and releasing it slowly.
Step 3: Acknowledge your fear/anxiety/annoyance, but don’t let it overwhelm you. We’re not trying to make the feelings go away. We’re just trying to observe them without acting on them. In doing this — checking in with ourselves in this way — we give ourselves some perspective to keep us in the moment on an ongoing basis. And when we are out and about, commuting, or waiting at the school gates, we can remind ourselves to bring our attention back to the body and back to our physical surroundings, which roots us to the present moment and provides an opportunity for us to breathe.
Try the STOP method to create a mindful pause
Of course, these behaviors may seem easier said than done. The STOP method can be a simple tool to help orient you toward a more mindful state.
Here’s how it works:
Pause. Wait a few moments before reacting to your child.
Take a few deep breaths. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Feel your muscles soften and relax.
Observe. Notice and pay attention with curiosity to your thoughts, sensations, and emotions.
Procced. Return to whatever you were doing, responding to your child from a clearer, calmer mental state.
How Headspace can help encourage mindful parenting
If you’re looking for ways to be a more mindful parent, the Headspace app has a meditation for parents that can help you ground yourself so you can be more present with your child. The Headspace app also offers subscribers several courses on topics related to parenting including: Patience, Kindness, Losing Your Temper, Listening to Others, Feeling Overwhelmed, and many more. Sign up for free today, and start experiencing the powerful benefits of meditation.
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