How to be more empathetic

Empathy, or our ability to understand each other’s feelings and perspectives and show compassion toward them, is one of the building blocks of healthy relationships. When we are able to stand in another person’s shoes and see life from their point of view — a situation, a belief, a struggle — we are then better equipped to connect, without reactivity, on a human level.

It is, in a way, a sign of generosity; not in the material sense, but rather it’s a spirit of generosity. By leaning into this generosity and learning how to be more empathetic, we cultivate an attitude of openness, and we train our minds to be less judgmental. No wonder empathy can positively impact our relationships, with ourselves and others.

As Andy Puddicombe, a former Buddhist monk and the co-founder of Headspace, puts it: “Empathy does not require that we have been through the same thing as another person, simply that we meet them where they are now.”

Empathy may seem like an all-or-nothing emotion; in a way, that is true. Being able to recognize and relate to the feelings of others does not come in degrees. Like any skill, it is there, or not. But the good news is that empathy is a quality that can be nurtured and learned. Discovering how to become more empathetic is a life skill with benefits extending across all areas of life. Once you master how to have more empathy, you are better able to connect with and understand partners, loved ones, colleagues, and even strangers.

The benefits of practicing empathy

Existing in the world can come with a bit of sensory overload. A lot is going on out there, and it’s no wonder that we become preoccupied with our mind’s chatter. So often, our thoughts and emotions take over, leaving little space for those around us to feel seen or heard. And when we do migrate toward social interaction, we tend to stick to our birds of a feather.

All these behaviors can lead to an empathy deficit — where we’re only exposed to those similar to us — and being able to show compassion for people and perspectives that are different than ours becomes difficult, if not impossible. It can all seem a bit frustrating and disheartening. But asking yourself how you can be more empathetic and venturing into understanding those around you is worth the work. Here are some of the benefits:

• Stronger relationships. Learning to listen to those around you without passing judgment can strengthen not only your familial relationships and partnerships, but also your friendships.
• An overall happiness boost. Empathy is one of the most deeply appreciated human qualities. Those who can give it, create stronger bonds with their social circles. These stronger bonds bring about more joy within one’s life.
• Higher emotional intelligence. Empathy is at the heart of emotional intelligence, or our ability to be aware of our emotions and handle interpersonal relationships. Being able to empathize with those around us gives us a better grasp of navigating interpersonal relationships.
• Better leader and worker. Being able to navigate human relationships and situations successfully can make office life much easier to take on. If you can read and understand the emotions, needs, and thoughts of your reports and co-workers, you are much more likely to communicate and collaborate effectively.

How to be more empathetic

When our brain goes to work figuring out how to be more empathetic, what it’s doing is getting the emotional center and cognitive center to collaborate and make sense of the situation in front of it. The brain’s emotional center, or limbic system, includes the amygdala and the hippocampus. This area stores feelings, experiences, and impressions. It can also perceive the feelings of others. The frontal lobe, which makes sense of behavior at the highest level, is where the empathizing magic happens. It tries to problem-solve and understand why someone may be feeling the way they are.

Empathy has multiple components: the cognitive, where you understand the person’s thoughts or feelings; the emotional, where you can share these feelings; and the compassionate, where you go beyond sharing concern and actively try to reduce someone’s pain.

If you’re in the process of learning how to be more empathetic in a relationship or everyday life, the main thing to do is give your interactions a makeover: Talk to new people from different backgrounds and walks of life. Actively listen to those around you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable in relationships. Focus on the interests and needs of others. Try not to make assumptions about those around you. And, of course, meditate.

The link between meditation and empathy

Researchers from Emory University discovered that compassion meditation could improve our ability to empathize with those around us. It is thought that meditation for empathy can do so by activating the areas of the brain associated with compassion. When researchers from Mount Sinai Medical Center scanned patients’ brains during meditation, the brain’s empathy area began lighting up significantly. Meditation may also increase empathy by expanding self-awareness. In calming the nervous system, meditation helps you become more aware of your own emotions, making you more adept at empathizing with others’ emotions. And so as we learn through meditation to see our own thought-patterns, inner dialogue, and suffering, we move closer to the suffering of others. Empathy is essentially an understanding of the shared human condition — and this is the unfolding nature of our own kindness and compassion.