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My road to recovery

I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. In AA the 11th step is "Sought through prayer and meditation to maintain our conscious contact with God as we understand him."

Headspace is helping keep me sober. But beyond that, it is making me whole - slowly, but surely. ‎My drinking and addiction numbed any feeling for so long that when I got sober I was no longer able to emotionally process.

Everything is like a math problem. I can still sometimes "feel," but I am unable to understand and label what I am feeling, so I can't process it. It's easier to deal with difficulty, but life is very grey.

But with Headspace, I have learned that I don't need to label. I feel something I suspect is sadness, but I can't identify it and I can't work through it - except I've learned to let it be. To just experience it.

I don't know what I'm feeling lately - my sponsor recently relapsed and died, a pet died, my parents divorced and I've been diagnosed with a painful chronic disease. There's a good chance I will need a liver transplant (ironically unrelated to my drinking). I assume I'm supposed to feel "sad," but I don’t know how or what "sad" is.

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