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My road to recovery

I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. In AA the 11th step is "Sought through prayer and meditation to maintain our conscious contact with God as we understand him."

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Headspace is helping keep me sober. But beyond that, it is making me whole - slowly, but surely. ‎My drinking and addiction numbed any feeling for so long that when I got sober I was no longer able to emotionally process.

Everything is like a math problem. I can still sometimes "feel," but I am unable to understand and label what I am feeling, so I can't process it. It's easier to deal with difficulty, but life is very grey.

But with Headspace, I have learned that I don't need to label. I feel something I suspect is sadness, but I can't identify it and I can't work through it - except I've learned to let it be. To just experience it.

I don't know what I'm feeling lately - my sponsor recently relapsed and died, a pet died, my parents divorced and I've been diagnosed with a painful chronic disease. There's a good chance I will need a liver transplant (ironically unrelated to my drinking). I assume I'm supposed to feel "sad," but I don’t know how or what "sad" is.

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