How to let go of a grudge and learn to forgive

Sometimes, life doesn’t go the way you’d like. People say things you wish they wouldn’t. They act in ways you wish they didn’t. And before you know it, you’re left with hurt feelings and a swirl of negative thoughts you can’t seem to shake. It’s part of being human, getting caught in those moments when someone’s words or actions leave a lasting mark.

But holding on to that hurt can feel heavy. A grudge doesn’t just live in your mind; it seeps into your emotions, coloring how you see the person, the situation, and even yourself. Learning how to let go isn’t about pretending it didn’t happen; it’s about releasing the resentment so you can find inner peace and create space for something lighter, kinder, and more healing.

How to Let Go of Resentment

5 mins

What exactly is a grudge?

A grudge is more than just a passing moment of frustration. It’s the ongoing decision, conscious or not, to hold on to hurt feelings, anger, or resentment after a hurtful event. When you’re holding a grudge, you keep replaying the situation in your mind, feeding negative thoughts and emotions that can harm your mental health and emotional well-being. This lingering hostility doesn’t just affect how you see the offending person; it can cloud your relationships with loved ones, fuel anxiety, and block the path to inner peace. Letting go of grudges isn’t about forgetting or excusing what happened. It’s about releasing resentment so you can protect your emotional health and make space for healing, kindness, and setting healthier relationship boundaries.

How forgiveness benefits you (not just the other person)

Forgiveness isn’t about excusing the hurtful event or letting the offending person “off the hook.” It’s about giving yourself the gift of emotional freedom. Research shows that letting go of grudges can lower stress, improve mental health, and even benefit physical well-being by reducing tension in the body. When you release resentment, you create space for positive feelings like compassion, empathy, and happiness to take root. This shift helps you protect your emotional health, nurture healthier relationships, and move through life with greater inner peace. In this way, forgiveness becomes an act of self-care—a conscious choice to trade bitterness and hostility for kindness, healing, and improved mental health.

Practical steps for letting go of grudges

Letting go is a process, but there are practical ways to help your mind and emotions move forward. Mindfulness techniques, such as focusing on the present moment, can stop the mental replay of the hurtful event and prevent negative thoughts from taking over. Journaling can also help you reframe the situation, shifting hurt feelings into insights that promote healing and emotional health. When it feels right, consider reconciliation, whether that’s an honest conversation with the other person or finding your own sense of closure without them. Finally, actively practice compassion and empathy, both for yourself and others, as these qualities soften resentment and help you replace negativity with peace and healthier relationships.

You might also try:

• Breathing exercises to calm the body when feelings of anger or bitterness resurface.

• Gratitude journaling to shift focus toward positive thoughts and moments of joy.

• Visualizing release, imagining yourself setting down the emotional baggage and walking away lighter.

• Seeking professional help, such as online therapy, when past hurt feels too heavy to manage alone.

• Setting healthy boundaries to prevent recurring conflict and protect your mental health.

A lesson in forgiveness from a Tibetan monk

There are a lot of great stories about forgiveness, but a classic one which has always stood out is the story of a Tibetan Buddhist monk called Palden Gyatso. Palden was 26 years old when Tibet was invaded back in the late 1950s. He had just taken full ordination and life-long vows as a monk. Along with the other monks and nuns caught up in the invasion, he was soon arrested and put in prison, where he spent the next 33 years of his life. During this time, he’s said to have been subjected to unimaginable torture, of which he still bears the scars today. Anyway, soon after his release, he fled to India, where he met His Holiness the Dalai Lama, who asked him what it was he had feared most during those years in captivity. Palden answered that what he had feared most was not losing his life, but losing his compassion, his willingness to forgive. He said it was only forgiveness which had enabled him to continue living under such horrific conditions, where so many others had perished.

Of course, it’s an extreme example, and for most people, grudges are not with those who threaten your life, but rather those who threaten your enjoyment of life. But how many people imprison themselves by holding on to resentment from the past, unwilling to put down the emotional baggage they’ve worked so hard to collect along the way? A grudge requires a vast amount of energy to keep going. But it’s up to you to release resentment and work towards emotional freedom..

Finding peace through support and guidance

Letting go of grudges isn’t always easy, especially when hurt feelings, resentment, and negative emotions have been building for a long time. Sometimes, you need extra tools and support to release emotional baggage and move toward inner peace. Online therapy through Headspace can provide a safe space to process past hurt, reframe negative thoughts, and strengthen skills like compassion, mindfulness, and conflict resolution. With the right guidance, you can protect your mental health, create healthier relationships, and choose peace over bitterness, one small step at a time.

Headspace offers mindfulness and well-being content for general wellness purposes. This article is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or medical condition. If you have health concerns or need clinical care, please speak with your physician or a qualified health care provider.

_Sources: 

_{1. Toussaint, L. L., Shields, G. S., & Slavich, G. M. (2016). Forgiveness, Stress, and Health: a 5-Week Dynamic Parallel Process Study. Annals of behavioral medicine: a publication of the Society of Behavioral Medicine, 50(5), 727–735. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12160-016-9796-6. Accessed on August 28, 2025.}