You Don’t Have to Make Them the Enemy

(light atmospheric chiming) Headspace Studios. Hey friends, it's Rosie. Welcome back to Radio Headspace. Not too long ago, I was scrolling on social media when I saw a post from someone I deeply respect, someone I've admired for many years, and then my jaw dropped. She had posted something completely unhinged, not just a different opinion, but a full on line in the sand. If you don't believe X, Y, and Z, then unfollow me immediately. It wasn't just conviction, it felt like aggression, like she was drawing battle lines and suddenly I saw her differently, not as a teacher, not as a colleague, but as someone I needed to get away from. So I did, I unfollowed, and honestly, it felt like a little act of self-protection. Then out of nowhere came the text, those five little words capable of turning any calm person into a full-blown overthinker. "Hey, are you mad at me?" And my stomach flipped because the truth was complicated. That moment reminded me how easy it is to fall into us versus them thinking. This is called ingroup outgroup bias. It's our natural tendency to divide the world into people who are with us and people who are against us. It's ancient wiring back when survival depended on loyalty to our tribe. Spotting the other quickly kept us alive. But today, the same wiring shows up in modern ways, online debates, cancel culture, friendships fractured over politics, families divided at dinner. And it doesn't just hurt our relationships, it hurts us. Research shows that polarization fuels anxiety and isolation. Social media only amplifies it. The loudest, angriest voices get the most attention while compassion rarely goes viral. But here's the hope. Every time we pause before reacting, we interrupt the algorithm, both the one on our phones and the one in our minds. So when I saw my colleague post that, my nervous system read it as a threat. You're either with me or against me, and I reacted by retreating. Here's what I've been reflecting on since. By unfollowing without conversation, I participated in the same dynamic. I made her the enemy. I'm not saying we shouldn't set boundaries, not at all. Sometimes the healthiest move is to step back. But what if we could step back without hardening into us versus them? What if instead of labeling someone as an enemy, we could simply say, our views don't align here, and that's okay. I can disengage with compassion. That doesn't mean condoning harmful behavior. It means refusing to carry hatred in our bodies. When she texted, "Hey, are you mad at me?", it cracked something open because she wasn't a faceless post anymore. She was a human being reaching out, someone with her own fears, convictions, blind spots, and a heart. And I realized in that moment, when we collapse people into their opinions, we erase their humanity. It's easier to hate the other. It's harder, but more honest to remember they're complex,...