The Words We Say To Ourselves

(air hissing) (computer mouse clicking) (shimmery music) Headspace Studios. (gentle music) Hey, friends, it's Rosie. Welcome back to "Radio Headspace." The other day, I was flying through my inbox. You know that feeling when you're on a roll, knocking things out, feeling very efficient, borderline unstoppable? And then, boom, it happened. I sent the wrong email to the wrong person. Nothing catastrophic, not career-ending, just one of those mix-up where the minute you hit Send, you realize, "Oh no, that wasn't meant for them." And before I even had the time to breathe, I heard myself say out loud, "Idiot," in my best Napoleon Dynamite voice. It stopped me in my tracks, not the mistake, the words, the way they rolled out of my mouth so naturally, like it was the most obvious truth in the world. And I thought, "Wait, did I just call myself an idiot out loud?" (gentle music continues) Look, we all have those moments: a slip-up, a stumble, a minor fail, and suddenly, the harshest voice in the room is our own. The technical term for this is negative self-talk, and it's more common than we realize. In fact, research shows that most people talk to themselves more harshly than they would ever dream of talking to a friend. And that, dear friend, is a trap. When our inner dialogue becomes a constant stream of criticism, it quietly erodes our confidence and our joy. The voice that's meant to guide us starts policing us instead. But here's the hopeful part: Because that voice was learned, it can also be retrained. With awareness and compassion, we teach our inner dialogue to sound more like a friend and less like a judge. Think about it. If your best friend sent the wrong email, would you look them in the eye and say, "Wow, you're such an idiot?" Probably not. You'd say, "Hey, it happens, no big deal." But when it's us, that inner critic does not hold back. (gentle music continues) Buddhist philosophy describes this as one of the super secret enemies: that deep hidden self-loathing that sneaks in under the radar. It's not always obvious. It doesn't announce itself. It whispers in those moments, "You're not good enough. You always mess up. You'll never get it right." And if we don't catch it, we start believing it. But the good news is, there is another way. Psychologist Kristin Neff has spent decades researching self-compassion: treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding we'd offer a friend. And the studies are clear. People who practice self-compassion aren't less accountable for mistakes, they're actually more resilient, more motivated, and more likely to try again. Because when we stop making every misstep proof of our unworthiness, we free up energy to actually learn and grow. (gentle music continues) After I caught myself calling myself an idiot, I paused, I took a deep breath, and I asked, "Would I ever say this to someone else?" Of course not. So I tried again....