I’m Not Looking for Advice

(mouse clicks) (beads rustle) (gentle music begins) Headspace Studio. (gentle music ends) (soft upbeat music begins) Hi, and welcome to Radio Headspace and to Tuesday. It's Eve here. So the other day, my husband was having a really bad day at work. He was talking a lot about the challenges he was facing and the stresses he was experiencing, so I started commenting on what he was saying, and in some instances was trying to offer him some solutions; he just seemed to get more frustrated, and he said to me, "I'm grateful you're trying to help, but I'm not looking for advice. I just need to vent and to be heard." And for a split second, I was a little confused. When I looked at it in more detail, I could see that rather than really listening to him, I was more focused on what a helpful response might be. So this situation made me think of an exercise that I teach during a mindfulness-based stress reduction course, or as it's more commonly, known MBSR. It's a communication exercise that is focused on deep and kind listening; that's listening to hear instead of listening to answer, and it involves getting into pairs, and you each have about three to five minutes to talk about a topic that means something to you, and the person talking is encouraged to speak openly; tuning in to the direct experience of speaking freely and uninterrupted. The person listening is encouraged to listen with their whole body, really tuning in to the experience of listening with no agenda to respond or to try to problem solve. After the first person talking is finished, the person listening gets to mirror back what they heard. So for example, it might be something like: I heard you say that you want to improve your public speaking because you find that you get so nervous when you stand up in front of others to speak. I noticed that you looked downwards when you spoke about how anxious you get. Then the other person gets to say what it felt like to be mirrored in that way. Again, it could be something like: I felt really seen and heard, and I wasn't aware that it also impacts me physically as well. The exercise is then repeated. In doing an exercise like this, it helps us to show what changes when we bring mindfulness in; when we bring this friendly observing quality into our communication. This might seem like a very basic exercise, but so much of our communication happens when we're not actually present or actively listening. See what happens when you actively engage the body and mind in open and kind listening with no agenda. You may actually find that you have more space to form a response that has more meaning, and in some cases that simply might be saying: I hear you. Sounds like a really difficult situation, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. If you'd...