How to Let Go of Everyone Else’s Expectations

(gentle relaxing music) ♪ Headspace Studios ♪ (soft relaxing music) Welcome to Radio Headspace. It's Dora and I'm glad you're here. Okay, so picture this. I'm standing in the grocery store last Tuesday holding a pack of frozen plant-based chicken nuggets like it's evidence in a crime scene. My internal dialogue sounded something like this. "I should make a real dinner." "I should've meal-prep like that one influencer on Instagram." "Maybe I should buy organic vegetables." "I should care more about nutrition." "I should be a better adult." And I'm just standing there with chicken nuggets having a full-on existential crisis in aisle seven. That's when I started laughing to myself. Well, kind of out loud too because I realized I had just shoulded myself into a pretzel of shame over chicken nuggets. A woman nearby looked at me like I had lost it, and honestly, maybe I had, but in the best way possible. (soft relaxing music) Here's what I discovered. The word Should is like a tiny dictator living in our heads, and it's been running the show for way too long. Think about it. When was the last time you said I should and felt light and free afterward? Should is heavy, it's judgy. It carries the weight of everyone else's expectations and wraps them up in your own voice until we can't tell the difference between what we actually want and what we think we're supposed to want. But here's the plot twist. Most of our shoulds aren't even ours. They're hand-me-downs from parents, society, social media, that one friend who seems to have their life together. And the beautiful thing about recognizing this, once you see how ridiculous some of these shoulds really are, you can't help but laugh and gently let them go. I used to be the Queen of Should. My inner monologue was like a very judgmental life coach who never took a day off. "I should wake up at 5:00 AM, meditate, journal, and do yoga." "I should have a spotless apartment at all times." "I should respond to every single text message immediately." "I should be further along in my career by now." "I should love networking events." The turning point came during a conversation with my friend. I was spiraling about how I should be more social, more outgoing, more like her. My friend is a natural extrovert who loves parties, and I was convinced something was wrong with me because I preferred quiet dinner and close friends. She stopped me mid-spiral and said, "Dora, who told you that you should be more like me?" "I love that you're the friend who creates these intimate spaces where people can actually connect." "If you were like me, we'd both be the same person, and that would be so boring." It hit me like a light bulb moment. I had been shoulding myself out of my own personality. So I started what I call a should surveillance. Every time I caught myself...