Managing Imposter Syndrome

My name is Destini, and I'm here to talk about fear of failure. I'm at a new place and starting a new career, and I feel like I've spent so much of my life doing the whole "fake it till you make it." And now that I made it, I realized that I feel like I faked it. And so now I'm in this whole circle of imposter syndrome and just feeling like the fear of the future and what's happening, and whether or not I deserve what's happening, or whether or not I can earn what's happening, or ... what is happening? So ... well, let's keep on going. Why am I here? Why did I come here? I think that already had me kind of tripping out. I don't like emotions. I don't like having these intimate conversations. It does feel a lot easier to have these conversations with strangers than the people closest to you sometimes. Yeah. And that perfectly folds into my topic, I guess. I decided I was gonna be a lawyer when I was seven. I told my parents, I told my grandparents, I told everybody that's what I wanted to be. I was the first in my family to go to college. My third year of law school, my dad died. And so before I could even graduate law school, my parents, grandparents, they all died. And so nobody was gonna see me graduate. Oh, my God. Within a month of my dad dying, I started having seizures and going to the hospital. It was, that's a whole other thing. But the doc, they didn't, I was never diagnosed with anything. I was continuing on as if nothing happened. And I think I, my body just broke. Physically, I think it was just breaking. And so then I have my whole 3L, my third year of law school, and it just, it felt so pointless and I couldn't remember things 'cause when you have seizures, you don't remember anything. And so going through that whole time, it was just like pointless. I'm not gonna remember any of this. I'm not gonna remember any of this. And then, you know, reflecting on everything, I guess this is where it all comes into the imposter syndrome, where I started feeling like how did I, I was already behind everybody. How can I possibly keep up now? I already was disadvantaged. How can I possibly keep up now? That's kind of where Headspace came in was that middle ground to calm me down and soothe me and make me just, you know, do enough to graduate. The first time I was taking the bar, I was going into it like, it's practice, it'll help you be calm for when it really matters. And I really did not think I was gonna pass. And it blows my mind still that I passed. Like I passed the bar without study, Awesome. without taking a course. Like, I self-studied. It's...