Communicating Desires with Shan Boodram
Our partners can’t know what we want or or what we’re feeling unless we share it with them — but sometimes, that doesn’t feel so easy. Learn expert tips for communicating your desires to your partner, with intimacy educator Shan Boodram.
Try 14 days freeBetter mental health starts with Headspace. Unrivaled expertise to make life feel a little easier, using guided meditations, mindfulness tips, focus tools, sleep support, and dedicated programs.
It is important to communicate your desires with your partner, because that builds a framework for intimacy, for genuine intimacy to exist. And genuine intimacy is kind of a requirement for true healthy partnership. I think a lot of us still hold onto the fantasy, that the right person is just gonna magically know. But here's the truth, you barely know yourself, so how's your partner supposed to know? (upbeat instrumental music) Hi, and welcome to Headspace. I'm Shan Boodram, I'm an intimacy educator. Who's been working in the field of sexology and psychology for 18 years. I'm also a mother, and I'm expecting my second. Today, we're gonna be discussing, communicating desire with our partners. Let's talk about pleasure babies, specifically, let's talk about talking about pleasure. A lot of times when people talk about their needs, their likes, they tend to do it in very serious atmospheres, instead of being like, "Let's get together, and let's talk about what we love doing with each other. Let's talk about what brings joy and light into our eyes." The conversation you have around that should keep that exact same energy. Once you have the energy, try and find a method that feels most comfortable for you. I suggest going one of three routes. Using the past as a method to communicate your pleasure, using the present, or using a future reference. For example, past, there's something that I did three years ago when I went on vacation and it gave me so much joy. How can we incorporate that into our dynamic? Present, here's what is currently making me feel really, really good. And I love when you and I do that. I would love if we could do more of that. Future, now this is if you wanna bring something new and exciting into your life. And to do that, you can use a number of different references. Number one, a video, a movie. I just watched this really cool thing, and I'm kind of curious how that could be incorporated into our life and our dynamic. Or my favorite, make it something completely abstract. I had the craziest dream last night, and in this dream I was doing and you were doing. Could we really do that in real life? All right, I feel like we're ready to have a conversation around healthy communication, when we are in conflict with our partner. This can already have some of you sweating buckets, and for good reason. A lot of people have a fear of confrontation, because there's a very big difference in communication between what we say and what we want to accomplish. And it is so essential, especially again, in moments of confrontation, to separate the two. Because what we wanna say sometimes is, "I hate you, you hurt me, you're the worst person ever." But what we wanna accomplish is, "I need you to understand that these are my boundaries, and you've crossed them in ways that...
Details
About your teachers
- More about Andy
A former Buddhist monk, Andy has guided people in meditation and mindfulness for 20 years. In his mission to make these practices accessible to all, he co-created the Headspace app in 2010.
- More about Eve
Eve is a mindfulness teacher, overseeing Headspace’s meditation curriculum. She is passionate about sharing meditation to help others feel less stressed and experience more compassion in their lives.
- More about Dora
As a meditation teacher, Dora encourages others to live, breathe, and be with the fullness of their experiences. She loves meditation’s power to create community and bring clarity to people’s minds.
- More about Kessonga
Kessonga has been an acupuncturists, therapist, and meditation teacher, working to bring mindfulness to the diverse populations of the world.
- More about Rosie
Rosie Acosta has studied yoga and mindfulness for more than 20 years and taught for over a decade. Rosie’s mission is to help others overcome adversity and experience radical love.
Look after your mind
Proven guided meditations and programs to help you stress less, sleep more soundly, and better navigate life’s challenges
Science-backed
Studies show that using Headspace for 30 days can reduce stress, increase resilience, and improve overall well-being
Explore 1000+ expert-led exercises
Access our library of meditations, breathing exercises, and guidance videos for stress, sleep, focus, everyday anxiety , parenting, and more.
Member reviews
Hear from some of our members
Your app brings so much peace and tolerance to our home.
Rachel
UK
Changing my thoughts has allowed me to change my life.
Davide
London
The stress and loneliness courses … taught me how to comfort myself.
Alicia
Canada
Headspace provides me with … a connection to myself, and a disconnection from negative thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
Keri
UK
Related to 'Communicating Desires With Shan'
- © 2024 Headspace Inc.
- Terms & conditions
- Privacy policy
- Consumer Health Data
- Your privacy choices
- CA Privacy Notice