Why Does This Feel So Hard to Celebrate?

(mouse clicking) (bright music) Headspace Studios. Hello beautiful people. Welcome to "Radio Headspace." I'm your host, Dora Kamau. Have you ever noticed that it's easy to feel sympathy or compassion for someone when they're struggling, but to feel genuinely joyful for others when things are going well for them? Maybe that takes a little extra effort. The other night I went out to dinner with friends and we were catching up, sharing what's been happening in our lives. And as the evening went on, the conversation turned to engagements and weddings and kids. One friend was sharing about their upcoming wedding plans, another was showing photos of their newborn baby. And I was just sitting there recently in a new relationship, genuinely happy for them, but also feeling this air of tightness starting to build in my chest. This little voice whispered, "Why am I not there yet? Should I be further along?" On the drive home, I noticed I was feeling a little bit envious. And then of course came that second wave, the shame, the feeling of, "I shouldn't feel this way. What's wrong with me? I should just be happy for them." But here's what I kept reminding myself on that drive. I am on my own journey. And this feeling, it's actually completely natural. Comparison is a fundamental human tendency. We're constantly gauging where we stand, evaluating our progress, looking at others to understand ourselves. There's different types of comparison that we engage in. There's upward comparison where we look at people who seem ahead of us, which can motivate us, but often leads to that feeling of not being enough. There's downward comparison, looking at people who are struggling more than we are, which can temporarily boost our sense of self. And then there's something called temporal comparison, comparing ourselves to our own past selves. Oftentimes we forget we're living the life we used to dream about. When we can look back and see how far we've actually come, it helps us to be more compassionate towards ourselves right now, exactly where we are. What I've noticed is that I feel most envious when I'm not connected to the present moment. I'm suddenly living in this imagined future where I should be further along, or comparing my really messy life to someone else's carefully edited version. Over time and with practice, I've learned that emotions like envy are messengers. They're informing us about our relationship to ourselves, to others, and to the world that we live in. I remember a teacher of mine once shared a story about the Buddha that completely changed how I understood this joy and envy. So there was a king that invited the Buddha over for a feast. And on the way to the palace, they passed a beggar on the street. The beggar smiled big and said how happy he was for the king and all of his success. After the meal, the king figured the Buddha would say a...