When Advice Gets Overwhelming, Tune Into Yourself

(mouse clicks) (gentle music) Headspace Studios. (gentle music) Hey, welcome to Radio Headspace. It's Dora. Today we're taking a walk down Memory Lane. About five years ago, I had just gone through the breakup of a five-year relationship, the kind that wasn't dramatic or explosive, just over. I'm sitting in my friend's kitchen, and she's making me tea while I'm having what I can only describe as an identity crisis, because for the first time in years, I had no idea what I wanted. My friend starts listing all the things I should do. "You should travel, you should date, you should focus on your career. You should cut your hair. You should redecorate your apartment." My mom calls later with her own list. "You should take time to heal. You should go to therapy. You should definitely not date anyone for at least a year." Then there's my coworker. "You should get back out there immediately. You should download all the dating apps. You should show him what he's missing." And I'm sitting there with all this advice swirling around me like a tornado, and I realize I can't hear my own voice anymore. I don't know if I wanna travel or stay put, date or be alone, cut my hair or grow it out. The noise had gotten so loud that I had gone completely silent inside. And you know that feeling when you're trying to have a conversation in a crowded restaurant, and there's so much background noise that you can't make out what the other person across from you is saying? That's what happens to our inner voice sometimes. Life gets so loud from other people's opinions, social media messages, cultural expectations, our own racing thoughts that we lose the ability to hear ourselves. And here's the thing about losing your inner voice. It doesn't happen overnight. It's gradual. You start outsourcing small decisions, then bigger ones. You start asking everyone else what they think you should do instead of checking in with what feels right for you. Before you know it, you're living someone else's version of your own life, wondering why nothing feels quite right. But here's what I learned during that messy post-breakup period. Your inner voice doesn't disappear. It just gets quiet, and with the right conditions, you can learn to hear it again. (gentle music) Now, after the breakup, I became an advice-seeking machine. "Should I keep our shared Netflix account? Should I stay in our old neighborhood? Should I tell people we broke up, or wait until they noticed?" I was treating my own life like a multiple choice test, and everyone else had the answer key. The turning point came when I was at this metaphysical bookstore standing in the self-help section with my arms full of books that different people had recommended. "This one will help you get over him." "This one will help you find yourself." "This one will help you never get hurt again." I'm standing...