The Wisdom of “We’ll See”: How to Stay Calm When Plans Change

Headspace Studios. Hey, welcome to Radio Headspace. I'm Dora, and thank you so much for being here. Now, it started as a simple idea. I wanted to take a relaxing trip, so naturally I turned into a full blown logistics machine. I had spreadsheets. I researched every restaurant. I booked activities down to the hour. I was feeling very pleased with myself until I actually got there. Within 24 hours, my flight got delayed, my hotel lost my reservation, and it rained the entire time. And instead of being relaxed, I spent the entire trip frustrated. Not because things were bad, but because they weren't what I expected. I kept thinking, this could have been perfect, but could it? We like to think control keeps us safe, but what if our need to control things is actually what's making us suffer? When things don't go as planned, we assume it's bad. When things go right, we assume it's good, but what if we don't actually know in the moment whether something is good or bad? There's a zen story that perfectly illustrates this. There was once an old wise farmer and one day his horse ran away. His neighbor came by and said, that's terrible news. The farmer shrugged. We'll see. The next week, the horse returned this time with three wild horses. The neighbor came back and said, that's amazing news again. The farmer just nodded. We'll see. Later the farmer's son tried to ride one of the new wild horses and fell breaking his leg. The neighbor rushed over. That's awful news, and again, the farmer simply said, we'll see. A few days later, the emperor's army came through the village drafting every able-bodied young man for war, but the farmer's son, he was spared because of his broken leg. The neighbor once again ran to the farmer and said, that's incredible news. And the farmer as always said, we'll see. I love this story because it flips how we think about control. Most of us react to life in the neighbor's mindset. Something good happens. We celebrate something bad happens. We panic. We try to predict the future as if we know exactly how things should go. But the farmer sees things differently. He doesn't label things as good or bad. He just allows them to unfold, and in doing so, he stays steady no matter what happens. When I got back from my disastrous trip, I looked at my photos and noticed something. The rainy days led to an amazing bookstore I wouldn't have found otherwise. The lost reservation led to a hotel with the best breakfast I've ever had. The flight delay gave me an hour to call an old friend. It wasn't the trip I planned, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing. We all do this right? We try to control the outcome, convinced that we know best. We plan the perfect career path. We map out exactly how a conversation should go. We imagine the best case scenario for our relationships, and when things don't go exactly as we pictured, we assume it's a failure. But what if we...