Start Before You Feel Ready

(air whooshing) (computer mouse clicks) (bright music) Headspace Studios. Hey there. Welcome to Radio Headspace, it's Dora. So a few weeks ago, I was catching up with a friend who's been single for a while. We were sitting on the floor eating takeout when she said, "I think I wanna start dating again." And then immediately followed it with, "But I'm not ready. "I still have stuff to work on. "I don't wanna bring someone into my mess." I nodded because I've said that exact same thing, and I know it comes from a good place. She wants to be intentional, she wants to be thoughtful. But I also know this, if we wait until we're perfect before we show up, we'll never show up. So I just said gently, "There's always going to be a mess, "but you're allowed to make room "for something good alongside it." We think that we need to be fully healed, fully confident, fully clear before we begin. But the truth is, readiness doesn't always come before the leap. Sometimes it shows up after. And what if being a little unsure doesn't mean that you're unprepared? What if it just means that you're human? This all reminds me of a book called "How to Not Die Alone" by Logan Ury. But more than that, it's a guide to what's getting in our way. One of the patterns she identifies is what she calls the Hesitator. Hestimators are people who say, "I'll start dating when I've lost weight, "or when I'm more secure in my career, "or when I finally figure out how to love myself." In other words, they're waiting to feel ready, waiting for the perfect version of themselves to arrive before they take any emotional risks. And here's what Logan says in the book that I'll never forget. "You don't get better at dating by thinking about dating. "You get better by doing it. "You grow by practicing in real time, by being awkward "and showing up anyway, "by learning to repair and not avoid." And what's most interesting, Hesitators usually think that they're being responsible. But what they're really doing is protecting themselves from vulnerability. They're trying to out-plan rejection, to spreadsheet their way around discomfort, to fix every possible flaw before letting anyone in. But there's no amount of preparation that makes you immune to being seen. And if you wait until you're fully ready, you might never go at all. So today, if there's something that you've been holding off on, not just dating, but anything that asks you to be visible, a conversation, a job, a move, a beginning, let me offer this. You don't have to be perfectly formed to take the first step. You just have to be willing, willing to show up in your real life, not your imagined one, willing to say, "I don't have to have it all figured out, "but I'm still here," willing to learn on the job because there's no version...