Setting Boundaries and Staying Kind

(cursor clicks) (bright music) Headspace Studios. (bright music) (gentle music) Hello, friends. I'm Jeffrey Marsh, your best-selling, zen coach, guest host for the week. Welcome to "Radio Headspace" and to Wednesday. So far, we've talked about authenticity and the bravery of asking for help. Today, I want to talk about something that goes hand-in-hand with both: Setting boundaries. For a long time, I thought setting boundaries meant I was being selfish, or I should feel guilty, or I was shutting people out. But I've learned that boundaries are actually a way to protect my energy, protect their energy, preserve my well-being, and allow my relationships to flourish. We'll explore how to set boundaries in a way that's clear, but also kind, and how to let go of the guilt that might come up whenever you try to do it. Because healthy boundaries aren't about keeping love out. They're about making space for the right kind of love to get in. (gentle music) Where shall we begin in terms of boundaries? You know, I get annoyed. Let's just talk about boundary discourse for a second, if you don't mind. I get annoyed because all the blame gets laid on the boundary setter. It's like a terrible, awful, selfish, maybe narcissistic people like steamroll over your boundaries and you're supposed to go, "I didn't set boundaries well enough." Hmm. No. (chuckles) I mean, we can always learn to set boundaries better. But I always like to keep a focus on how people shouldn't be jerks. Isn't that odd of me? Now, story time. When I was younger, when I was a child, I was taught early and often to take the blame for everything. I would take on what had happened in the family, in dynamics, and other people's lives. And I would apologize for my very existence. I set a boundary with my entire family. And originally, I set the boundary because I wasn't being seen, I wasn't being respected for who I am, but also as a human soul. And the relationships were not healthy for my commitment to myself, which is the most important thing in my life. But suffice it to say, my mother was the hardest one to have that conversation with. And it turns out, I set a boundary over iMessage. I sent the text, and I said, "You won't be seeing me at Thanksgiving." Can you imagine? (gasps) Months before this text went out, I felt this wall of guilt even thinking about, quote, unquote, "being that person who would send a text like that." But Thanksgiving was coming, and so I had to send it, and I committed to myself to send it. And I typed into my iMessage. On my iPhone 3GS, I said, "Mom, you won't be seeing me at Thanksgiving this year. And you won't be hearing from me for a while, But I will let you know when you'll hear from me again." And over the next few days, a...