Reframing Self-Love, with Mel Robbins

(bright music) Headspace Studio. (light upbeat music) Hey, it's your friend, Mel Robbins, and I am the guest host for the week. Welcome to "Radio Headspace," and happy Wednesday. In case you don't know who I am, I'm one of the world's leading experts on change and motivation, and I'm so excited you tuned in today, because this week, it is all about to tapping into your potential. And a big part of that is loving yourself. And I'm gonna talk with you today about what it actually means to love yourself, how self-criticism can hinder you from creating positive change in your life, and of course, you're gonna leave with simple tips to help you tap into self-love. First of all, self-love is not a feeling, it is an action. Self-love is something that you demonstrate. So let me give you an example. I want you to stop and think about someone that you know loves you, whether that's your parent or your kids or your partner or maybe a pet. How do you know that this person loves you? The way that you know is because they demonstrate it. It's in their actions. When my husband makes me a cup of coffee in the morning, that's an act of love. When he plans a night out, when he sits with me and holds my hand, when he tells me, "Good job," those are all actions that demonstrate love. And where I think we get self-love wrong is that so many of us struggle with issues of self-worth and self-doubt and we're busy in our heads criticizing ourselves and we don't realize that self-love isn't just positive and kind self-talk, but that the fastest way to build self-love as a muscle and as your default way of moving through the world is to demonstrate it to yourself. Based on the research, self-love is the single most important habit that you can create. Why? Well, because you're never going to be happy if you're constantly beating yourself up. When you can start demonstrating that to yourself, not only through how you talk to yourself, but what you're actually physically doing to take care of yourself, it amplifies your confidence, it creates more energy and excitement in your life, and it builds resilience. I bet right now you're making the single biggest mistake that everybody makes when it comes to self-love. You're saying to yourself, "Well, when I lose the weight, I'm gonna be happier and I'm gonna like myself more. When I meet the love of my life, I'm gonna be happier and love myself more. When I'm making more money, I'm gonna be happier and I'm gonna love myself more." There's two problems with that. Number one, you are attaching your self-worth and being kind to self and loving yourself to some accomplishment outside of you. And so the problem with that is you're never gonna be in control of love or kindness or your potential if you put it...