Anxiety and Control: Why Micromanaging Doesn’t Work (and What Does)

(mouse clicking) (gentle music) Headspace Studio. Hey friends, it's Rosie here. Welcome to Radio Headspace. So today, I wanna talk about one of anxiety's favorite disguises, control. Now, I'm not talking healthy boundaries, I'm not talking structure. I'm talking about that deep gripping belief that if you just stay on top of everything, every email, every conversation, every possible outcome, you'll finally feel calm. A few months ago, I was preparing for a big workshop, something I'd done many times before, but this time, I found myself obsessing over every little detail, the time, the slides, the lighting, the exact phrasing of my opening sentence. And I remember Tori gently saying, "Babe, you've done this before. Why are you spiraling?" And without missing a beat, I said, "Because if I control every detail, nothing will go wrong." And even as the words came out, I heard the lie, because the truth is something can always go wrong, and control is never what actually makes us safe. It just gives us the illusion of it. So I used to live inside that illusion, especially in my early twenties when life felt wildly unpredictable. I created lists for my lists. I over-explained, over-scheduled, overcommitted, thinking that if I just did enough, I could somehow outrun disappointment. Spoiler alert, it didn't work. And I've learned over time that anxiety isn't just about worrying. It's often about gripping. And the tighter we grip, the more fragile we feel. One of my favorite quotes is from one of my teachers during a mindfulness training. It says, "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." That to me is what letting go of control actually looks like. Anxiety tells us that control equals safety, but control is a moving target. Real peace doesn't come from micromanaging every detail. It comes from trusting that you'll be okay even when things don't go exactly as planned. So if you're feeling the urge to control today, try this. Pause. Take one slow breath in and one long breath out. Ask yourself, what am I afraid will happen if I don't control this? Then ask, what could open up if I let go just a little? You don't have to drop everything, but loosening your grip even slightly can create so much more space. I found that the more I focus on presence, the less I need control. Because when I'm actually in the moment, I don't need a script. I just need to listen. I don't need to plan for every outcome. I just need to respond with intention. It's a practice, and it's called a practice because often we forget. So try not to be so hard on yourself. I decided to throw my notes out for the workshop. And instead, I had a sharing group session with everyone, and we got to discuss how they manage difficult moments. And you know what? It was better than anything I had prepared. That's it for today,...