Why can't I make decisions: The impact of being indecisive

Think quick: where do you see yourself in five years? It’s a big question, but people are expected to know the answer immediately. Many people are asked this question during job interviews or while dating. Some people ask their partners and loved ones to make sure they’re on the same page, and they are expected to be able to articulate exactly what they want in the future. But what happens if they just don’t know?

American society loves people who are driven and aggressively pursue their goals (or, to put it more gently, clearly envision their dream life and manifest it into reality). Somewhere along the way, people have lost their ability to find peace with uncertainty and embrace ambivalence. “Ambivalence is a healthy way of having a set of emotional and cognitive breaks. It can be a way to slow the world down,” says Dr. Josh Klapow, a licensed clinical psychologist and associate professor of public health at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. Ambivalence is having mixed feelings about something.  You encounter it every day, from small decisions like where to eat lunch ("__the food at this restaurant is great, but the service is slow") to life-changing decisions ("__I want another child, but the one I have is already so much work"). Instead of seeing ambivalence as a normal part of  the decision-making process, many people see it as a sign that something is amiss. “ You must learn to dig deeper, to explore what the ambivalence is saying in each situation and not take ambivalence as a universal red flag that something is wrong,” Klapow says. “No ambivalence at all would mean you don’t have moments of introspection.”

As the host of “The Web,” a radio show about relationships, Klapow says ambivalence is one of the most frequent topics that comes up on-air and with his clients. People frequently wonder if they should stay with their partner or leave their job, and they take that questioning as an indication that something is wrong rather than a normal cognitive and emotional process. “ Many people often take a feeling of hesitation or ambivalence as a warning sign. It can be, but it can also simply be an indication that the decision ahead is significant,” Klapow says. This is important, since how  individuals approach ambivalence has a direct effect on the next actions they take, Klapow says. 

If you assume that your mixed feelings mean that you shouldn’t pursue something, you can miss out on great opportunities or relationships. Instead, people who have mixed feelings about what they want from their careers or relationships should take time to pause, consider their options and be at peace with the uncertainty. 

How low confidence and fear of mistakes fuel indecision

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I make decisions?” the answer often lies in a mix of low self-esteem, perfectionism, and fear. When your confidence is shaky, every choice feels like a high-stakes test, and the possibility of making the wrong decision can feel unbearable. This fear of a negative outcome can cause decision paralysis, where you overthink every possible outcome until you’re too mentally exhausted to choose at all. For many people, this isn’t just about a big decision like changing careers or ending a relationship. Even small decisions, like what to eat for lunch, can become overwhelming when you’re stuck in a cycle of self-doubt.

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Over time, this constant second-guessing can turn into chronic indecisiveness. You might avoid important decisions entirely, hoping that the “right choice” will eventually become obvious. Unfortunately, this avoidance only reinforces anxiety and erodes your decision-making ability. Recognizing how fear, low confidence, and perfectionism impact your decision-making process is the first step toward breaking free from indecision. By identifying these patterns early, you can work on building confidence and developing strategies to make more confident decisions, even when the perfect choice doesn’t exist.

How mindfulness can help with indecisiveness

Mindfulness is one of the most effective ways to work through indecision and restore clarity to your decision-making process. By slowing down and observing your thoughts without judgement, you can acknowledge ambivalence without being paralyzed by it. This skill is especially important when facing decision fatigue or choice overload, two common mental health hurdles in today’s fast-paced world.

“When you’re mindful, you can become the curious observer of your own thoughts,” says Klapow. “You’re not pummeled by indecision, but you’re also not avoiding it.” In other words, you can hold space for uncertainty without rushing to make a quick decision just to escape discomfort. This approach helps prevent both bad decisions and the analysis paralysis that often follows fear of making the wrong choice.

Mindfulness doesn’t remove the need to make a choice, it simply creates the mental space to consider options more objectively. For smaller everyday decisions, that might mean pausing for a moment to breathe before answering. For bigger decisions, it could mean sitting with your mixed feelings over several days or weeks, noting any anxiety but also recognizing when indecisiveness is giving you insight rather than holding you back.

Ambivalence should be a temporary state, not a chronic pattern of avoidance. If you notice persistent decision paralysis that affects your work, relationships, or mental health, tools like mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, or structured decision-making frameworks can help strengthen your decision-making skills. Over time, this practice can lead to more confident decisions, and reduce the fear that every choice must be the perfect choice.

Finding clarity in ambivalence

“Ambivalence should be a temporary point of information and should not dominate our existence.” But even the most goal-oriented people need to take time to experience their mixed feelings. Klapow advises people to work through ambivalence, rather than sidestepping the feeling, an option that can be tempting for people who are laser-focused on their goals. “If you’re moving forward no matter what and not letting uncertainty enter your mind, you start blending confidence with natural defense mechanisms,” Klapow says. 

Not taking time to explore your complicated feelings can lead to you making a decision you’re not ultimately happy with. Feeling ambivalent in the short term doesn’t have to take away from your vision for the future. “You can be confident and ambivalent at the same time,” Klapow says. Next time you’re feeling conflicted or unsure, make time to sit with the feeling. Treat ambivalence as a normal emotional reaction, just like crying, that isn’t inherently good or bad. Instead, see it as important insight into your true thoughts about what will make you happy. “It’s the marrow of that existential itch,” Klapow says.

Moving forward with support

Indecisiveness doesn’t have to control your life. Whether your hesitation stems from ambivalence, perfectionism, decision fatigue, or fear of making the wrong choice, therapy can help you untangle the deeper mental health patterns at play. Approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy give you tools to challenge unhelpful thought loops, manage anxiety, and build confidence in your decision-making process. Doing online therapy can also help you explore the emotions and beliefs driving your indecision, so you can make better decisions without being weighed down by fear or uncertainty. With the right support, you can learn to trust yourself, navigate both small decisions and bigger decisions more effectively, and move toward choices that truly align with your values.

Headspace offers mindfulness and well-being content for general wellness purposes. This article is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease or medical condition. If you have health concerns or need clinical care, please speak with your physician or a qualified health care provider.