Why Clarity Comes When You Stop Forcing It

(ethereal music) Headspace Studio. Hey y'all, it's Dora here, and welcome to Radio Headspace. Have you ever spent way too much time overthinking an email? A while ago, I had just started consulting for a new client and I needed to send an email that was so simple, just a quick follow up, no big deal. And yet somehow I found myself struggling to write it. I wrote the email, then rewrote it, then rewrote it again, and I sat there debating, do I say hi or hey, or just go straight into it. Should I add an exclamation point so I don't sound cold, but not too many, so I don't seem intense? What if I sound too formal or too casual or too desperate or even too distant? Before I knew it, I had been staring at this email for 20 minutes. Then out of pure frustration, I gave up. I closed my laptop, walked away, and made a snack, didn't think about it at all. And when I sat back down, suddenly I knew exactly what to write. It was like the answer had been waiting for me to stop forcing it. Often we think that insight comes from trying harder, thinking more, searching deeper. If we can't figure something out, we assume we just need to push through. If we don't have an answer, we assume we need to analyze it more. If something isn't clear, we assume that we're not trying hard enough, but sometimes the best way to find an answer is to stop looking for it. As Brene Brown says, "If you're constantly hustling for your worth, you'll never feel like you've arrived." In Zen Buddhism, they use koans, which are riddles that aren't meant to be solved. And this one in particular captures what I'm talking about perfectly. A student once asked his zen teacher, what is the sound of one hand clapping? At first, the student tried to be clever. He snapped his fingers, he waved his hand in the air. He even clapped it against his leg. The student got frustrated. He spent days thinking about it, analyzing it, trying to force an answer. But the harder he tried, the more confused he became. Finally exhausted, he gave up. He sat quietly, he allowed his mind to rest, and he stopped trying so hard. And in that moment, the answer came to him not as words, but as an understanding. The sound of one hand clapping isn't something you hear, it's something that you experience. The point of the question wasn't to find a literal answer, it was to show him that some things can't be solved through logic alone. The more he tried to force an answer, the further away he got, but the moment he stopped forcing it, he understood. Now, how often do we do this to ourselves? We try to force clarity instead of giving it space. We grip too tightly when the best answers come...