Get Some Headspace : Jenni's blog post 4- meditation and insomnia

September 29, 2010

Get Some Headspace : Jenni's blog post 4- meditation and insomnia

Read Jenni's latest blog post in which she discusses her experiences with meditation and insomnia

The resistance

 I have to admit that I hit a bit of a brick wall after seeing Andy the 3rd time. For some reason, despite all the massive positive effects I felt what I can only describe as a ‘resistance.’ Not to the meditation itself, but to the routine of the meditation.

The immediate days after that session I was poorly and off from work with tonsillitis. I was moping listlessly in the house feeling unmotivated about almost everything and the routine of the meditation was included in that.  I did still get round to it everyday, but it was more often than not in the afternoon. Strangely though I felt like my day hadn’t really started until I had actually done it, which meant that I still felt better after the meditation. This just compounded my frustration with my own resistance to it.

 That weekend I was off to Paris for my birthday and despite my feelings of resistance to the routine I did manage to a) continue my meditation in Paris in the mornings (which I thought was quite amazing) and b) sleep in the hotel. Usually when I go away my sleep pattern completely falls to pieces, but surprisingly for the first time, the improvements in my sleep did not vanish. This cheered me enormously as did the amazing vintage shopping (feel free to contact me for a list of shops!) and I soon felt some of my resistance to the routine start to fade away.

 Coming home I realised how destructive it was to fight the routine of meditation and that I needed in a sense to just surrender to it. The benefits it has had for my sleep make it well worth it but more than that I feel like I need to examine why I am resisting the routine of it so much. I’ll keep you posted on that point.

Calm in the face of emergency

 Recently a loved one very was rushed to hospital. It was one of those heart-stopping blood draining moments that you pray never occurs but last week it did for me. My first reaction was to panic. Not manically, but enough so that I wasn’t quite thinking straight. I couldn’t quite form sentences in the right order and I don’t think I gave very clear instructions on leaving work. On the journey to the hospital I consciously calmed myself down with the breathing techniques from the meditation for a good 15 minutes and by the time I reached the hospital I was almost completely calm and much more in control. There is no way that would have happened without the meditations and it showed me once more just how useful the meditation sessions are in all aspects of my life. Thankfully the hospital visit turned out to be a false alarm.

 Curiosity

The gap between my mediation sessions with Andy will amount to about five weeks and I am finding it interesting to see how I get on in that gap. It is easier to stay motivated when you have to ‘report back’ so to speak so I am seeing this as a much more real life example of what it is like to just live and meditate at the same time. Andy often talks of the need to stay ‘curious’ during the meditations and I am focussing on that quite heavily. When I feel like the meditations are becoming similar to each other I do try more keenly to note down any differences in how I am feeling and my thought processes around it.

 I won’t lie, I am finding this period a bit tricky, but only in theory (i.e. thinking about the meditation) the reality of the meditation is that it brings me joy, helps me sleep and generally improves pretty much everything!

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